Submission 1: Formal Letter (Descriptive Reflection)
Greetings to all,
I am Richard Ow, a student from the MEC1281 effective communication class. I am writing this formal introduction letter for my fellow readers to get to know more about me.
I graduated from Republic Polytechnic (RP) with a diploma in aerospace engineering. During that period, I achieved a few interesting milestones, which eventually led to my interest to pursue a degree in mechanical engineering.
During my second year of the poly course, I was among the selected few to represent my institution at a competition in WorldSkills Singapore. Although I did not win the competition, it was a personal experience that I will not forget. Looking back at that, I was socially limiting myself to the people whom I was already comfortable communicating with instead of trying to broaden my social network, especially with the other participants during the competition. From then on, I have been working on this weakness by establishing relationships with the people that I chance upon in my life.
In my final year before graduation, I interned at Thai Airways International, based in Suvarnabhumi airport, Thailand. Even though I was abroad for six months, Thailand felt like a second home. However, there was some language barrier with the locals during my first few weeks of stay. Knowing my strengths, I am one that adapts and I was keen to learn their language. Not long after, I was able to converse with the locals with a fair amount of confidence. As I was learning the culture in a new environment, I am glad that being naturally empathetic has led me to a fruitful journey, especially in communication.
In conclusion, I could say that most of my positive experiences were based on the people around me. Thus, the main goals that I want to achieve are to develop the skills necessary in engaging with others and in general, to be more confident in public speaking. Thus, under the guidance of Professor Blackstone, I am looking forward to becoming a much effective communicator tomorrow than I am today.
I guess that is all from me for now. Thank you for your time and stay tuned for my next post!
Yours truly,
Richard Ow
MEC1281-T6
Commented on Sabryna's & Jiayu's profile.
Edited 28th January 2020.
Dear Richard,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing about yourself in this letter. It is interesting, clear and well written with good use of language. Having read it, I am in awe of your adaptability skills. It's amazing how you're able to communicate with the locals during your short-stay. Reading about your internship experience in Thailand has made me interested in interning abroad as well. I look forward to learning with you in class.
Best regards,
Jiayu
Dear Jiayu,
DeleteThank you for your comments. I am glad that the experience I've shared has sparked your interest in interning overseas.
Yours truly,
Richard
Dear Richard,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your self introduction.
Your letter is clear, concise and very engaging for the readers. I like how you draw your personal experiences in this letter to talk about both your strength and weakness. I feel that you could have added in some hobbies in your letter. Apart from that, it is well written and helped me get to know you better.
Best regards,
Mohan
Dear Mohan,
DeleteThank you for your comments. I will take your constructive suggestions into consideration. Cheers!
Yours truly,
Richard
Dear Richard,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this fluent, detailed introductory letter. You cover the parameters of the assignment well and illustrate the key points with clear examples and explanations, so much so that this is very informative. I’m particularly impressed by how your letter focuses on two influentioal experiences, your selection as a member of WorldSkills Singapore and then the intership in Thailand. I do have a suggestion though.
While in fact you do a good job describing your communication strength and weakness, with appropriate detail, you could be a bit more explicit in the rhetoric of those discussions. You don't need to write so directly as to state 'as for a strength in my communication,' or 'in terms of a weaness in communication,' but you might bolster clarity in this effort by at least making reference to the word 'strength' and/or 'weakness' or to appropriate synonyms.
Regarding your goals for the module, we will certainly address both areas. Please do your best to embrace those. With your skill level and experience, you are well suited to be a leader in our class.
With regard to language use, this is quite a fluent letter, but do take note of these points:
1. overuse of capitalization
2. sentence structure
-- During this period, I have achieved some interesting milestones that you will soon find out,... > (verb tense error/lack of conciseness)
During this period, I achieved some interesting milestones, which...
-- ...with the people that come by. > ? (Explain in more detail. Which people? In what situation?)
-- Being in a new environment while learning the culture as time goes by, I am glad that being naturally empathetic, especially in communication, has led me to a fruitful journey. > (lack of focus, clarity: restate)
-- I was abroad for a while, but Thailand is indeed a ‘Land of Smiles’. > (for a while? Be more specific.)
-- ...but Thailand. > (Why 'but'?)
I appreciate your effort here but look forward to seeing how you polish this letter.
Best wishes,
Brad
Dear Prof. Brad,
DeleteThank you for all the praises and constructive feedback. Hopefully, I will continue to improve my use of language under your guidance. Also, thank you for pointing out my mistakes in my sentence structure. I will work on it and elaborate areas that are lacking in details.
Yours truly,
Richard
Dear Richard,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your self introduction.
Your letter is interesting on experience during poly course and is written clear and well. It seems you miss out on your hobbies in your letter. It is a well written letter. I look forward to working with you in class.
Best regards,
Chan Yong Sheng
Dear Yong Sheng,
DeleteThank you for taking your time out in reading my introduction letter. I will take your constructive suggestions into consideration. Looking forward to working with you in class too. Cheers!
Yours truly,
Richard